the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
