some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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