She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
