I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
