Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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