She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
