Im at strip club and am horny
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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