Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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