i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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