When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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