giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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