So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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