I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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