Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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