I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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