Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
