who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
