My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
