i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
