Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
