My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
