A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
