just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
