Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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