im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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