oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
