All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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