I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
