and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
