Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
