my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Fuck appropriateness.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
