We're facebook friends in real life
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
