Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
