Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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