New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
