I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
