Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
