She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
