In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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