ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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