Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
