Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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