whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
