Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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