It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am available for nakedness
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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