I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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