Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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