How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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