I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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