When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
