3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
