Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Houston, we have a squirter
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
