My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
