Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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