That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
