If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
