I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
