During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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