i jhust puked up my retainher.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
