i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister