Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  hell yes lets make some ravioli

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  (949): hell yes lets make some ravioli http://tfl.nu/0xmr
  Replies (9) Good night (2328) Bad night (551)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night

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  (215): May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night http://tfl.nu/fpxb
  Replies (16) Good night (843) Bad night (6012)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy

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  (517): if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy http://tfl.nu/rglc
  Replies (22) Good night (4914) Bad night (1686)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm

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  (702): Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm http://tfl.nu/d1by
  Replies (1) Good night (2069) Bad night (686)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple

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  (423): I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple http://tfl.nu/2rws
  Replies (11) Good night (1899) Bad night (914)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss

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  (506): i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss http://tfl.nu/l8g6
  Replies (8) Good night (627) Bad night (2842)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.

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  (631): Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions. http://tfl.nu/8mk0
  Replies (10) Good night (1549) Bad night (564)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.

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  (905): threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month. http://tfl.nu/vbvn
  Replies (2) Good night (1320) Bad night (559)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?

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  (248): When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle? http://tfl.nu/70g5
  Replies (7) Good night (1068) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.

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  (617): The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight. (1-617): Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it. http://tfl.nu/ikoi
  Replies (7) Good night (1690) Bad night (362)
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  (714): View more from California

  She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge

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  (714): She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge http://tfl.nu/on98
  Replies (2) Good night (472) Bad night (299)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.

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  (+61): He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar. http://tfl.nu/olys
  Replies (3) Good night (358) Bad night (560)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends

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  (775): New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends http://tfl.nu/xgyo
  Replies (4) Good night (813) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"

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  (586): dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit" http://tfl.nu/jnwo
  Replies (2) Good night (486) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.

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  (973): I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone. http://tfl.nu/3l6f
  Replies (1) Good night (227) Bad night (346)

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