Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.

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(305): I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me. http://tfl.nu/06ls

Replies (21) Good night (5651) Bad night (2231)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting

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(201): i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting http://tfl.nu/qjw5

Replies (7) Good night (1220) Bad night (4022)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.

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(508): I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long. http://tfl.nu/opva

Replies (15) Good night (1585) Bad night (3037)
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(503): View more from Oregon

The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"

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(503): The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone" http://tfl.nu/b2m1

Replies (15) Good night (4863) Bad night (1454)
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(408): View more from California

Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.

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(408): Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick. http://tfl.nu/f6ps

Replies (8) Good night (1034) Bad night (2350)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.

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(580): Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process. http://tfl.nu/pl4v

Replies (14) Good night (880) Bad night (1803)
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(512): View more from Texas

Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka

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(512): Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka http://tfl.nu/edtb

Replies (8) Good night (1955) Bad night (910)
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(913): View more from Kansas

You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.

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(913): You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils. http://tfl.nu/xx9n

Replies (10) Good night (1203) Bad night (579)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.

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(301): I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had. http://tfl.nu/epuv

Replies (5) Good night (1037) Bad night (508)
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(720): View more from Colorado

By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.

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(720): By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air. http://tfl.nu/rzj6

Replies (3) Good night (1349) Bad night (907)
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(425): View more from Washington

You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.

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(425): You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality. http://tfl.nu/6xy0

Replies (6) Good night (1268) Bad night (625)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.

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(910): Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music. http://tfl.nu/9l8h

Replies (8) Good night (1361) Bad night (422)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"

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(651): Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter" http://tfl.nu/1bxc

Replies (0) Good night (571) Bad night (397)
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(646): View more from New York

Is 1:30 too early for the bar?

(718): View more from New York

Do you want my opinion or society's?

(646): View more from New York

I want your company

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(646): Is 1:30 too early for the bar? (718): Do you want my opinion or society's? (646): I want your company http://tfl.nu/br9a

Replies (4) Good night (1645) Bad night (462)
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(248): View more from Michigan

We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.

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(248): We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude. http://tfl.nu/yzil

Replies (4) Good night (1430) Bad night (242)

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