Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.

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  (972): He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me. http://tfl.nu/b757
  Replies (22) Good night (5239) Bad night (588)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  you would pick up someone in the library

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  (502): you would pick up someone in the library http://tfl.nu/20m6
  Replies (20) Good night (3843) Bad night (577)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.

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  (770): next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth. http://tfl.nu/is4b
  Replies (22) Good night (1476) Bad night (2952)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.

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  (908): Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time. http://tfl.nu/kf31
  Replies (11) Good night (953) Bad night (4412)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am

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  (506): I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am http://tfl.nu/t74t
  Replies (14) Good night (1675) Bad night (2849)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.

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  (970): The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch. http://tfl.nu/vgkc
  Replies (5) Good night (1323) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it

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  (847): If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it http://tfl.nu/cx6g
  Replies (6) Good night (2228) Bad night (704)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.

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  (337): You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left. http://tfl.nu/h7ai
  Replies (3) Good night (1676) Bad night (601)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.

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  (208): You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian. http://tfl.nu/g8r4
  Replies (12) Good night (2799) Bad night (733)
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  (760): View more from California

  I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart

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  (760): I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart http://tfl.nu/0amr
  Replies (7) Good night (1038) Bad night (526)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.

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  (608): I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich. http://tfl.nu/h4vr
  Replies (3) Good night (336) Bad night (773)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?

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  (203): We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate? http://tfl.nu/bazj
  Replies (10) Good night (655) Bad night (422)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.

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  (405): Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro. http://tfl.nu/hr0t
  Replies (1) Good night (831) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird

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  (778): And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird http://tfl.nu/xqlb
  Replies (2) Good night (343) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.

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  (314): The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it. http://tfl.nu/vg1e
  Replies (12) Good night (645) Bad night (259)

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