I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.