Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
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I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
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Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it