u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
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she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.