Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
