No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
