so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The air was thick with penises
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
